Bittersweet City

I went to the city today, for a reason that I do not have the liberty to say. I walked along Salzach and my brain played the song “It Might Be You” by Stephen Bishop, while thinking about a particular person. However, my mind was haunted by fear, problems and worries about everything related to the future, but I was happier this time, because, although I was obsessed with negative thoughts, my brain did not force me to be compulsive. The kind of behavior that usually makes me do repetitive things, like the need to do anything symmetrically.

That is a perfect match. I am obsessed with a “perfect” and “exact” life, and my compulsive behavior is the need for symmetry and total order around me. Yet, whatever happened today, the thought about the particular person, canceled out my compulsive behavior, even though my mind was preoccupied with negative feelings and thoughts about things that will not run perfectly. Somehow, I thought that everything will be perfect, if I am with her. We never know.

I have been asking myself, why I should go back to the city, Salzburg, but this is the destiny that I must follow. A year ago, I thought I would be happy if I lived here, but everything is totally the opposite now. To some degree, I am happy being in Salzburg, because I get to know some people and a particular person, with whom I can share my “craziness.” However, there is bitterness being in the city. Some of the locals are intricate and are not easy to predict. These are the kinds of behavior that will surprise you out of the blue.

I wish I could care less about this, but I become uncomfortable whenever I go to the city. It is difficult for me to look at them, the locals, in the eyes, because they may think I am suspicious or malicious, while I actually want to be friendly without having to smile and say, “Hi! I am a nice person. You can trust me and would you like to be my friend?” They are actually smiley, but, some of them have the kind of smile that are, sorry to say, insincere and cold. This is not good for me, because they make me lose the equilibrium in my brain. They add the imperfection, which causes negative “obsessions” in my gray matter, and my sanity will always be preoccupied with anything symmetrical as a “catharsis.”

I have to end this but the particular person has helped me in overcoming my compulsive behavior whenever my brain is busy with obsessive thoughts or impulses.

I am just wondering if she will be the sun that will shine my life eternally or the rainbow with its beautiful colors that will stay in my life only for a while. Maybe I am too quick to decide. All I need is time.

Dreams (Part I)

“She laughs at my dreams, but I dream about her laughter.” It is just some quote, but I am talking about “dreams” when you sleep. I am just wondering if you can ever remember your dream. I have always tried to recall my dreams when I wake up, but I can never remember much, except when I dream about “the one.” When she comes to my dreams, it is always so vivid although I can never see her face or hear her voice, but it is always just a dream. Too bad!

It is said that we are in a deep sleep if we can remember our dream (This happens during REM lasting about 90 to 120 minutes), and we should be happy if we can have about four to five periods of REMs, because that is about average for adults, which is about 20-25% of total sleep. New born babies, however, can have about 80% of total sleep (I miss those days).

My theory is, babies sleep with both eyes closed, but adults with both eyes open (Teenagers? Think about it). We can rarely have a good night sleep because of a lot of reasons. Some have problems with the bed; some have problems with the bugs; some have problems with the neighbors (In a “specific” issue, of course); some are insomniac; but the rest have a lot of problems in life. Some have a nightmare, which I believe, is a reflection of our worries or fear, but some others don’t have a nightmare. I’d like to be the second one but how can we control our dream? Or, how can we control our subconscious feeling?

Yesterday morning, I had several unpleasant dreams, but it was “stale” dreams, as people in my home country call them, because they happen after 2 AM. I woke up at about 5:50 in the morning for morning prayer, but, as soon as I finished, I went back to sleep. So, the dreams came.

One dream “put” me in an elevator. It went down rapidly and shook violently. I screamed, “God, help me!” Then it stopped. Soon, some guys, out of nowhere, kicked me out of the “train,” instead of an “elevator” and there were a few zombies who tried to catch me. I climbed back to the wagon, but the guys inside still pushed me to stay outside. The dream was over. I really find it funny, how dreams work. You are in the middle of something, but suddenly you are in a different situation. Somehow, your “first” dream is still connected to the “second” dream.

I wonder how long my unpleasant dream lasted, but have you ever noticed that when you dream, the “time” is actually longer than the actual time? You think you have slept for about five hours, but you actually haven’t slept that long.

You may disagree with me, but when you sleep, your soul actually leaves your body, but then it returns back to your body when you wake up. So, our body is pretty much like a ‘case mod’ in computer term, because it is not alive unless it has a soul.

It gets me into thinking about robots or Frankenstein. For hundred of years, scientists or quasi scientists have been trying to understand how our body works, especially in regards to its mechanistic system. They discovered that electricity plays a major role in our life; however, it (electricity) plays not only as the “machine” to our body, but also as a regenerative and healing tool. Nevertheless, it is still a theory and I apologize that I do not have the capability to elaborate more on the theory. But, is there any difference between the theory and Frankenstein?

Now, I’m lost. I cannot go back to my topic “dreams,” because I have been talking about the soul and electricity in our body. Yet, the topic “soul” may be interesting to a lot of people.

Is it spring already?

“Smile when it hurts most.” That’s a quote from…I don’t know, but I think we all need to learn from it, but you may disagree.

April has lasted for ten days and I haven’t written anything. I have done a lot of thinking, but I do not want to be preoccupied with spending one or two hours just to write a note. It is all because of my mood swing that has…I’d rather not go on.

I have been wondering, if it is spring already. The weather has been “nice” and “beautiful,” the sunshine, the cloudless sky, the chirping birds and the blooming flowers. Everything seems to be full optimism and lively, but that’s not always the case, if you know what I mean.

When it comes to the weather, I am a little peculiar. I cannot stand sunshine, although I am from a country with a lot of it. I always get insulted, when I tell people about it, but who cares? People can say whatever. It is not like I am going to die if you insult me, but please don’t do that. It is not respectful and not nice. Besides, that’s not what an educated person does.

Believe me, a lot of people claim to be educated and yet they like to insult other people. They say they are peaceful person, but they are actually the biggest liar you’ve ever met in your life. I am always the victim, because I “stand out” the most among you. Yes, it is because I am small and am sometimes “naive” about stuff, but why can’t people try to imagine putting themselves in my shoes once in a while? Being insulted is not pleasant and it hurts my feeling. I am oppressed, OK? But what can I do?

Now, the quote says, “Smile when it hurts most,” and I honestly want to practice that, but I have had enough of the so called “civilized” society. A lot of the people in the society have a stupid and DISGUSTING mindset.

I was hurt last night, because there were a number of “educated” people who insulted me because I am small. One of them even said, “Hi, dwarf!” Is it nice to say that to a stranger? Yes, they are bigger than I am, but, honestly, their brain is small. Well, I’m NOT sorry to say this, they DON’T have a brain at all. They are stupid, ignorant and uneducated, period.

I am sorry that I become a burden to them, but that’s not what civilized people do. THAT IS A SICK, LOATHSOME AND COLONIAL THOUGHT!

SICK @#$! #@!$% %#@!$ @!#$%! DISGUSTING!!! (Spit)

Side note: If their brain, IF they HAVE a brain, were a computer, I would pwn* it and trash it with gazillions of useless stuff. The worst part would be viruses and worms that could turn them into a zombie. I will program a BAD repetitive task with an INFINITE loop. If the loop is stopped, they will completely erase their own memory and, in the end, they will self destruct, muahahahahaha!!!

*pwn, also “own.” Past tense, “pawned,” “owned.” Origin, “own,” which implies some dominance over something or someone. When “own” and “owned” became “pwn,” “pwned” and “pwnage,” the words came to mean the same thing; dominance and superiority. The new word “pawn” is very simmilar in the sense; its plain definition is to belittle or reduce someone or something to pawn status, essentially, “owning” them. (Urban Dictionary dot Com)

Love thy neighbor

To what extent can you love a person?

It never makes me stop to wonder that a person, who preaches, “Love your neighbor,” is actually a hateful person. Or, maybe he means, “Love your neighbor, as long as he is from the same faith”? That just doesn’t make sense.

Probably, most of you know televangelist Rod Parsley, a key McCain ally in Ohio. What did he say recently? In his book called “Silent No More,” he wants to destroy Islam, because it’s a “false religion.” Further, he calls for a new crusade. As he claims it, Islam is the new enemy of the world’s civilization. Hmm, if he preaches “Love your neighbor,” how come does he call for a war? Is war part of “love” that he preaches?

It still doesn’t make sense. You don’t wage war on people who don’t attack you. Moreover, if he preaches, “If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also,” isn’t what he wants (to do) the total opposite of what he preaches? Waging a war on people who don’t attack you. Oh, now he’s talking about 911. He reasons that after 911, more and more people are turning to Islam, because Muslims spread their religion through violence. That’s just silly. Those people, who claim to be Muslims and bomb the WTC, are NOT Muslims. Besides, Prophet Sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam NEVER spread Islam with the sword.

To make it clear, Allah said in the Qur’an, La ikraha fid deen, “There is no compulsion in religion” (Al-Baqarah 256). In addition, Allah addressed the Prophet in a different Surah, Fain tawallaw fainnama ‘alaykal balaghul mubeen, “But if they turn away from you, (O Prophet remember that) your only duty is a clear delivery of the Message (entrusted to you)” (An-Nahl 82). We Muslims are obligated to make da’wah, meaning inviting people to Islam. Regarding this issue, Allah said in Surah An-Nahl, Od’u ila sabeeli rabbika bialhikmati waalmaw’ithati alhasanat, “Invite to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better” (125). Does it say anything about violence?

Back to Parsley. I wonder where he gets the idea that Islam is spread through violence. I dare say it. Those who condone violence are people who do not have religion; however, as far as I know, people who don’t believe in God do not condone violence. So, it is ironic that a person, who believes in God and preaches love, teaches and condones violence toward others.

If a person who preaches “Love your neighbor” spread hate (Instead of love), I call that person a hypocrite, because what he preaches is NOT a reflection of his behavior. We have to save ourselves from this (hypocrisy)!

In the Islamic tradition, we call it munāfiq. There may not be any difference in meaning, but Prophet Sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam said that the munāfiqūn have the following characters:
1. Whenever he is entrusted, he betrays.
2. Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie.
3. Whenever he makes a covenant, he proves treacherous.
4. Whenever he quarrels, he behaves in a very imprudent, evil and insulting manner (Bukhari & Muslim).
It is obvious, that the person we are talking about (Parsley) possesses one of these characters.

I am not attacking his faith but his personality, because, as I believe, whatever he says about Islam in his book, does not come from the Bible. Why would a person preach something that is not in the Book?

Fitna—the movie

I don’t understand, and, honestly, don’t know what the movie maker, Geert Wilder wants. I personally haven’t seen the movie, Fitna, and I will not see it. I read a review from an Islamic website, and, as a Muslim, I am deeply offended and hurt. I personally see that the only way to react to this is with patience. In fact, Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings be upon him) said in one of the hadeeth, “Do not wish war, rather ask Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’aala for peace and security. However, when you confront the enemy, practice Sabr (fortitude and perseverance)” (Bukhaari and Muslim).

It is obvious that the cartoons that portray the Prophet is not enough to insult or provoke Muslims (and now the movie). However, it is sad to know that there are Muslims who react not in the Islamic way in response to these insults. Islam does not teach violence and Islam FORBIDS the act of mistreating non-Muslims. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stated clearly in the hadeeth, “Let it be known, if any one (Muslim) commits injustice, insults, aggravates, mistreats or abuses a person of the People of the Book (protected, by the state or an agreement), he will have to answer me (for his immoral action) on the Day of Judgment.” All Muslims believe that we hold accountable for what we do while we live; therefore, we if treat a person unjustly, we will get a just punishment in the Day of Judgment. And, believe me, if we, Muslims, are unjust toward non-Muslims, our Prophet is NOT happy with us.

In the Qur’an, Allah Himself warned all Muslims, “And insult not those whom they (disbelievers) worship besides Allah, lest they insult Allah wrongfully without knowledge” (Al-An’am 108). Indirectly, Allah commanded all Muslims to be patient when it comes to this issue; however, we as Muslims have the rights to deny these false accusations or to respond to these insults, but we may NOT violate the Qur’an and the Sunnah, because, as it is stated in the ayah (verse) mentioned above, Allah fears that if our reaction to this issue is not Islamic, there will be more bad actions (from the non-Muslims), for example, burning the Qur’an. We, Muslims, surely do not want that to happen.

To this extent, the message is clear; Islam does not teach violence, but why are we still accused of being violent? Apparently, not many people understand the proverb, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” So, if you see a Muslim behaving not according to the Qur’an and the Sunnah, the way of the Prophet, don’t judge his religion, but his personality.

In all aspects, the movie, Fitna, shows ignorance towards the true message of Islam, because it does not reflect the real teachings of the Qur’an and the Sunnah. The movie also portrays that the 911 was done by the Muslims. Until now, it is obvious that there is NO evidence that Muslims are behind the bombings of the World Trade Center. So, I say it is childish and immature to believe in the media and to accuse Muslims in general for what happened on September 11, 2001. Is that really how the “modern” society think? I’m sorry to say, such society is not enlightened enough. Learn everything from the source!

With all of these false accusations and insults toward Muslims, I am just wondering if this is the kind of “freedom of speech” that the western world wants us Muslims to learn. If that’s the case, I’m sorry, we can’t accept it, because that is not freedom of speech, but freedom to show HATE. In other words, it is hate speech. Is hate speech protected by the international law? In some cases, YES, especially when it is addressed toward Islam or Muslims.

May Allah gives strength, patience and unity to all Muslims, amin.