The perfume

I went to the city with a friend the other day. I didn’t expect to see anything bizzare. The Salzach is still flowing northward; the Festung is still located on Festungberg; and the streets are always filled with tourists from a number of continents. It’s the daily scene that I often see when I’m in the city, Salzburg. There is nothing unusual.

However, there is always something that I never like when I go to the city…Well, when I go to any city; that is, the smell of perfume. I know it is necessary for everyone of us to wear perfume, but some perfume smell “irritating.” Excuse me for saying so, but I always feel like I have a brain shiver when the scent touches my nose. I often wonder how much s/he has to spend for the perfume and why s/he wears that particular perfume. The smell hurts my nose and the pain quickly crawls to my brain and then I have a small headache—I get nauseated too sometimes—and worse of all, I have the flu that usually lasts for three or four days. To me, that is not perfume, but more of like a scent from…I’d better not go on.

There are some people who wear pleasant perfumes and the fragrance takes you back to a certain time sometimes. The fragrance is always refreshing, especially if the wearer is a nice person. I often wonder if the kind of perfume we wear is a reflection of our personality. It’s just my crazy thought.

When I was still a college student, I had a roommate who always teased me when I sprayed my perfume. He said, “It smells like a French whore house here.” He, like I am, is one of those people who are often bothered by the smell of perfume, but the kind of perfume that I wear is considered cheap by some people, because the smell isn’t that eccentric and strong. Besides, the smell doesn’t last for twenty-four hours. I am poor and can’t afford buying Giorgio Armani, Escada or Corduroy’s, and why would I spend $30 or above for perfume? I know some male friends who spend a lot of money for perfume, and I often ask myself, why they do that. They say, if we buy a cheap perfume, the smell doesn’t last long and girls will not like us, because we smell bad. I don’t want to comment on that.

For some people, look and smell are important.

Untitled

Have you ever been stuck in the middle of a situation and it seems like you can’t get out of it? I’m stuck in the middle of a lot of things now and let me write them one by one in brief.

“Don’t interrupt me!”

Do you like it when people interrupt you? I do like to interrupt people, but when people interrupt me, I don’t like it. I just don’t have patience when I have a conversation and that’s why I interrupt them. If I ever interrupt you while you’re talking, I’m sorry. I never meant to be rude.

I don’t like it when people interrupt me because it is rude. In the end, I never finish my stories and people misjudge me. I think everyone, including me, should be a listener once in a while, because talking too much is not good either. That way, we don’t misunderstand each other. That’s what brings a good relationship.

Infinite loop

I’ve been stuck in a loop. I mean, I’ve been stuck in the subject “loop” for about four days. I need to study for my computer science exam in April and, for some reason, my brain is comfortable learning the subject “loop.” I’m not going to give a lot of details on it. Believe me, it’ll bore you to death. I’m bored with it already.

I understand the whole concept and I can write a program with loop, but I don’t understand why I’m stuck in there. It seems like it’s an infinite loop and it never returns a value. In Java, when you write an infinite loop, type Ctrl-C; then, you’ll get out of the loop.

Does global warming mean warm winter?

Today, February 25, is warm in Salzburg. In the afternoon, the temperature reached about 16 °C or is equal to 60.8 °F according to Wetter dot com. I thought (Duh?) it’s spring already, but then I checked online when spring equinox starts. According to Infoplease dot com, it occurs about March 21. So, why is it so warm today? Is it what is called global warming?

To this extent

I went to other parts of Salzburg that I thought never “existed.” Honestly, I’ve been stuck in front of my laptop since the beginning of the break, because I thought there was nothing to see out there.

I went biking to the woods and took pictures. I was surprised when I saw a blue flower and some buds of white flowers. Flowers in the winter? I guess it’s pretty much related to my thought on global warming.

I am in Salzburg, which is located about 424 m (1391 ft) above the sea level and lies in 47° 77′ North latitude and 13° 05′ East longitude. Isn’t it weird that we have a “warm” winter? While resting from taking pictures, I looked at some other directions and noticed some “left over” snow in one of the small mountains. I don’t know what it is called, but I wonder how it felt up there. It was warm from where I saw the top of the “mountain,” and it may be chilly up there. I’m pretty sure the “mountain” isn’t as high as 1000 m and yet there is still snow.

I need to get out of the loop now, and start learning some other things.

Two years ago today

About two years ago today, I set foot in Europe for the first time. I was excited for the experience and the challenge that I would face. I was ready for the bittersweet life. It was cold when I arrived; it was wet and there was still some left over snow here and there. I really thought I wouldn’t be able to survive living in Salzburg, Austria, because it was the coldest place I’ve ever lived.

Today, I went to the city and tried to remember the time when I was here, Salzburg, two years ago, but my mind was preoccupied with a lot of things, especially with the future. The future has been haunting me and making me afraid of everything. I fear that I will make a mistake that will completely ruin my life, or I fear that I will never fulfill my dreams. So, my memory about the past, when I was in Salzburg for the first time, is pretty much buried in the history of my life. It’s a history without a written document. The kind of history or story that you forget easily, because it doesn’t play a role in your life. I can’t remember much.

It was warm today and I didn’t feel sorry for going outside. I usually wear my heavy and thick jacket, but today, I just had my sports coat and a sweater. I still had my gloves on, and yet it wasn’t cold. I am surprised because it’s a big contrast between today and two years ago. I am a different man now, of course, and have a different vision about the future. Yet, my dreams are still the same.

At this time last year, I was in Gardendale, AL, USA. It wasn’t my choice that I lived there, but it was like the only choice. I graduated from college and didn’t have a place to stay, so I decided to make a living there. Well, it’s been a year already and I still remember exactly what I was thinking then. I was thinking about what happened the year before that and I told my friend about my first trip to Europe, but he didn’t seem to care or pay attention to my story. I guess nobody cared.

What have I achieved in one year or two years maybe? My knowledge in computer is increasing and I’m doing my Master’s now. Are they anything special or significant? I believe so, but, again, I fear the future, although what I have achieved so far are for the future. I don’t know where I can work after I graduate. I’m just so pessimistic about everything and I should stop being a pessimist. Let’s make that our goal for next year. I hope I will become less pessimistic at this time next year.

I wonder where I will be at this time next year. I’d like to keep track of what’s happening on one particular date, February 23. Maybe I will be in Bowling Green, Ohio, at this time next year, but what will I be doing? And, what about a year after that? Where will I be?

People say that life is like a stage. Everybody plays a role in his/her own life, but none of us ever read our life script, so we know how to behave or what to do for a better future. Our life is like jazz music. We improvise and never know where life takes us. I never thought I would study in the US and Europe, and to some people my life story sounds like a fairy tale. I am thankful to God for whatever I have achieved now and I pray I will achieve more in the future; not only for myself, but also for everyone at home.

Ein paar Sachen

Meat

When I was little, or when I was still in my hometown, I didn’t eat meat. I avoided eating any kinds of meat every time I was hungry. Beef, lamb, chicken and duck weren’t on my menu at all. It was not because of religious reason, but because I didn’t like the smell and the taste. It’s always so difficult to chew and I always felt nauseated.

My parents were the only two people in my life who could understand me, but my siblings, my friends and some other people always ridiculed me. How can a person not like meat? It’s an expensive food and everybody likes it. Apparently, not everybody likes it. I didn’t, because of the reasons mentioned above.

In the States, I thought that the ridicule of not eating meat would stop. I kept on asking myself if there were people who could understand me. Yes, vegetarians, but I’m not really a vegetarian. Well, at least I didn’t eat meat.

Anyway, I got tired of the ridicule and I couldn’t be myself. I started eating meat about five years ago to make people happy, although I didn’t like it. Somehow, it was different. Well, ground beef is a different story. It’s not difficult to chew, but I still felt nauseated. I kept on thinking that I was eating the animal alive, “I’m eating a living being.” It disgusted me and I just…my stomach couldn’t stand the thought. I was always almost vomited. And…no more story. The sad thing about it is I like meat now. Sometimes I miss my friend’s cooking, because he cooked the meat really well and I just loved the taste. Yet, the thought…Forget it!

So, I bought some meat, unground beef, and wanted to make some dish for lunch. Apparently, my past experience, you know, the thought of eating a living being, the nausea and the stiffness, made me think, “I don’t want to eat meat again.” Well, I just don’t know how to cook meat. It was my first experience and I need to ask my Mom.

Language

I have been asked, why I don’t write in another language, like German, French or my native language. I could write in German, but it will be grammatically incorrect. I’m still learning German, and, although I can speak it, written language is always different. As a linguist, I know that. It’s not just translating from one language to another, but writing is not translating. It’s expressing our ideas and thoughts and perspectives. If we translate it, it won’t make sense. The sentence may be meaningless, because there are a few things that cannot be expressed in the target language.

Language, by the way, when translated is restricted only by idioms. For example, we can translate an expression like, “Natalie says, she loves me” to German, but we cannot just translate an expression like, “It’s been raining like cats and dogs” to German. And people ask me if there’s such expression in my native language. We don’t have an idiom for “raining like cats and dogs.”

I guess, for that reason, I don’t write anything in German. Besides, I am used to thinking in English, even when I talk to myself. I just feel awkward to talk to myself in my language, except when numbers are involved. That one has to be a little specific.

Ghost

Do you believe in ghost? I do. I’ve never seen a ghost, but I believe in the unseen. It’s not really like asking, do you believe in God? It’s a different kind of question, but the thing is, we can’t see either one, but I believe in God because I think and I exist. I mean, we just have to believe in things that we can’t see. How about soul? What is a soul? Can we see it?

Merriam Webster defines “ghost” as a disembodied soul; especially: the soul of a dead person believed to be an inhabitant of the unseen world or to appear to the living in bodily likeness. So, is our soul the ghost itself? I don’t buy that. Merriam Webster says that soul is the immaterial essence, animating principle, or actuating cause of an individual life. In that case, “ghost” is not equal to “soul.”

Okay. I guess the difference is whether we are alive or not. Before we die, our soul is still attached to our body, but after we die, the soul becomes a ghost, because it’s disembodied. So, what happens after that is that we become a ghost and we live in the unseen world. What is the unseen world? And, what happens in the unseen world? Is there some sort of like description whether we go to Heaven or Hell? If not, wow, life is a waste! Why do we live at all, because after we die, we’re all going to turn into a ghost. I can’t buy Merriam Webster’s description of “ghost” and “soul.”

Random thought

A collection of ideas, thoughts and simply randomness in my brain.

Decisions

Are you one of those who don’t like to make decisions? I am and it is often hard for me to just say “Yes” or “No.” Sometimes I think that I make the wrongest decision in my life although I am happy with what it is. It’s simply because I have gone through opportunities and experiences that a lot of people may have never experienced, but still, the decision was hard to make.

Now, have you ever made a decision with whom you want to spend the rest of your life? So far, I’ve made three decisions in that matter and I always think it’s enough, because, as I believe, the third decision is the best one. I always want to believe it is so, but I thought if I love her, whatever decision I have made, it is the best for me. Who knows?

I am lonely and I always need someone to be there, and so far she has been the one who is always there and I appreciate the time and the effort that she has spent for me. Maybe, she and I are not meant to be together, but I hope for the best for her in whatever she does. Do I have to mention her name? I think you know, who you are.

Procrastination != laziness

I like to procrastinate, simply because I believe that I have a lot of time for everything. I never want to realize that time goes by so quickly. And when I almost run out of time, I begin to understand that I should have used the available time that existed between hectic and free time. And yet, I like to do things when there is pressure or tension, because I tend to do things better at the last minute. What is wrong? Is it a mind game?

Speaking of mind

Yes, everything is a state of mind, as I believe. Sickness, worry, freedom and so on lie only on our mind. I wouldn’t consider that everything is an illusion that is created by our brain, but they exist because our mind creates them. How about severe illness? That’s a different story.

What I’m trying to say is that I don’t like to trick my mind. I rarely play with my mind because I don’t want to make it think that everything goes because of good or bad luck, but everything happens because of destiny. I don’t like to lie to myself. That’s why I worry too much. That’s why I’m a pessimist. I could simply think that everything is going to be all right, but I can’t fool my mind and seize the day and enjoy everything when I still can. That philosophy doesn’t exist in my mind.

Now, I realize that it is my mind that makes me worried and think about my problems too much. I could end up in committing a suicide, you know, but I am sane enough to avoid it, because life is too precious. Like I said earlier, it’s simply because I have experienced the opportunities that other people may have never experienced.

Somehow, I believe that everything will be all right, although it may not be a hundred percent all right, but at least, there’s always another day, which may be better than yesterday. There’s no perfection in life.

In that case, everything is relative to the way we think. So, is it really, “I think therefore I am”? Not quite. “I think therefore I am” is the kind of philosophy that separates us from animals and I guess what is playing in our mind is included (Within the realms of being human). Do I make sense?

Now, I’m going back to the real world.