A plus or a minus makes it even or odd

“We seem to be made to suffer. It’s our lot in life,” C3PO (Star Wars IV: A New Hope).

I often ask, how some people can be much luckier than the others. They can enjoy living in a penthouse and drive a Bugatti Veyron; they shine and dine so fine and live like kings or queens. They can be in Vienna in the morning, enjoying Apfelstrudel and a cup of melange. In the afternoon, they may be at the Riviera Country Club, California, playing golf in the US’ 5th top golf course. And in the evening, after a two-hundred-and-sixty-dollar dinner, they might be at Kabuki-Za Theater in Tokyo, watching Kenuki. Later that night, they are in the first class cabin of Japan Airlines on the way back to their residence.

Meanwhile, in some other parts of the world, people are suffering, dying and fleeing from a civil war or religious conflict or political persecution or natural disasters. Some are worried about what they’re going to eat for the next day; some others think about their children’s future, thanks to the war (Does the future even exist?). There are those who are busy looking for a shelter to protect themselves from the wilderness of nature, like rain or thunderstorm, or from another human. Their only shelter, which is never like a penthouse, has to be abandoned. They are left with nothing but hopelessness.

To quote Anakin (Skywalker) from Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace, “The biggest problem in this universe is nobody helps each other.”

“Time you started thinking
And don’t just sweeten up the taste
Brother shoots brother
But meanwhile you’re fixing up your face,” Imbruglia (Don’t you think?).

Thoughts

MYOB

I always wonder why some people won’t mind their own business. They like to interfere in other people’s life, although it is not a nuisance to them or to other people. They enjoy criticizing, being sarcastic or giving innuendos that say that some people are “too nerdy, geeky or sophisticated.” Again I wonder, why should it be their concern if some people enjoy deep conversations?

Roller coaster

Being in love is like being on a roller coaster, and hearing something that you don’t want to hear is the same thing. Some people love to hear what they want hear, and I admit, I like that too. However, there are times when I don’t enjoy it.

These days, I’ve been hearing things that I don’t want to hear. I can have a mental breakdown right now, but I’ve been trying to get tough in this rough situation. Isn’t that what will make us a man? I know that some of us are never ready for the worse, but, given that I was a pessimist, I’m always ready for it. So, when I hear things that I don’t want to hear, I never feel like I want to skedaddle or, worse, commit… (Better not say it).

There’s a phrase “Don’t count the chickens before they hatch,” but I like to do that in the worse case scenario. I like to ask myself, “What if this happens…? And then I won’t be… If that happens, then that will also happen. In that case, this won’t result in that. So, this will just be…” Even so, there is still a part of me that always thinks positively. It gives me control and the will to live; after all, “Tomorrow is another day.”

My father has always told me not to give up easily. In life, we will always get through some problems, so get a grip! “Things happen for a reason,” he said.

Childhood

I don’t know if it happens to everyone, but when I was little, I used to “believe” that the world was flat. However, the world that I envisioned did not cover a lot of “strange” places. It covered only as far as a city called Jatinegara, a city in East Jakarta, from my home in Pondok Bambu, which was the other side of the world. It made “perfect” sense, because Jatinegara lies in the west and Pondok Bambu is in the east.

I often heard the name of the city, Jatinegara, because my father used to mention it over and over, considering he shopped there for his tailoring supplies. So, I figured, because I never heard him mention any other name, Jatinegara was the edge of the “world” that I envisioned. I never thought about the sun, the clouds, the night sky, the stars and the moon, because it seemed like the city, Jatinegara, was what mattered to our family.

I still remember clearly when I had that thought. I was three years old then. I remember, I was in front of our house while on my may way to our neighbor’s. However, my vision about that “flat” world didn’t just end there. I had it for a while, but, maybe because I was three, I never bothered to ask my parents about it.

Wired civilization

Somehow now, because of technology, the world is neither flat nor round. The world is like a cotton wire roll. We, humans, are kittens, entangled and trapped. Some are strangled and “died” through time. We just don’t know what is right or wrong anymore, because, my friend, in this wired world, there is no law. We’re free to do whatever we want.

The human race is not getting better. In terms of technology, we are much better than our ancestors, but in terms of morality, who is much better than the other?

It’s not for me to judge, but, I think, technology is making us humans more arrogant. I’m all for technology, by the way, but the arrogance? We’re committing suicide little by little.

RTFM

The title sounds rude, but I don’t intend it that way. I’m sorry.

You know, I miss drinking jasmine tea because that’s the kind of tea that I drank in my hometown. So, I went to an Asian store last week and I was happy when I found jasmine tea. I bought it and made a cup of jasmine tea this morning. It was great, great, and great, but too bad that I didn’t have a lot of time to enjoy the tea. I was late for class, so I had to hurry.

The funny thing about the tea is that it comes with a manual. It’s not that I don’t know how to make a cup of tea (That doesn’t come in a bag), but I read the manual (As if I never made a cup of tea before) out of curiosity. Hah! That manual really surprised me. It’s like, “RTFM before you treat yourself with a cup of jasmine tea. We just wanna make sure that your tea is as delicious as the smell.” It even has a smell!

I know I am being a jerk (Here). I am sarcastic and why do I even bother writing this kind of note? Well, I haven’t written anything these days, because I have made myself not to do a lot of thinking. It gets tiring and boring sometimes (But I have been thinking about someone, mind you, and it is not tiring and boring at all). Although I know that there is no potential future, given that gravity does not interfere in our acquaintanceship, I do it anyway, because she is attractive (It’s N). There, I said it!

When it comes to (Cupid or whatever related to Eros) relationship, I am never an expert. As we all know, Newton’s third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Somehow, that law doesn’t work for me. I have tested it, but there is never an equal and opposite reaction. Well, I mistake a feeling with an action and I guess that’s where my ‘experiment’ fails.

Speaking of manual, I wish there were a manual for a “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” Frankly, I have read some literature about Cupid or whatever related to Eros relationship, but none of the tips work. I have also talked to some friends about it, and nothing works. Is there something wrong with the manual? Or, maybe it is me that is…You have to know that I am a pariah and it is never easy to know what the opposite sex wants.

It’s true, Eros != programming.

Dreams (Part I)

“She laughs at my dreams, but I dream about her laughter.” It is just some quote, but I am talking about “dreams” when you sleep. I am just wondering if you can ever remember your dream. I have always tried to recall my dreams when I wake up, but I can never remember much, except when I dream about “the one.” When she comes to my dreams, it is always so vivid although I can never see her face or hear her voice, but it is always just a dream. Too bad!

It is said that we are in a deep sleep if we can remember our dream (This happens during REM lasting about 90 to 120 minutes), and we should be happy if we can have about four to five periods of REMs, because that is about average for adults, which is about 20-25% of total sleep. New born babies, however, can have about 80% of total sleep (I miss those days).

My theory is, babies sleep with both eyes closed, but adults with both eyes open (Teenagers? Think about it). We can rarely have a good night sleep because of a lot of reasons. Some have problems with the bed; some have problems with the bugs; some have problems with the neighbors (In a “specific” issue, of course); some are insomniac; but the rest have a lot of problems in life. Some have a nightmare, which I believe, is a reflection of our worries or fear, but some others don’t have a nightmare. I’d like to be the second one but how can we control our dream? Or, how can we control our subconscious feeling?

Yesterday morning, I had several unpleasant dreams, but it was “stale” dreams, as people in my home country call them, because they happen after 2 AM. I woke up at about 5:50 in the morning for morning prayer, but, as soon as I finished, I went back to sleep. So, the dreams came.

One dream “put” me in an elevator. It went down rapidly and shook violently. I screamed, “God, help me!” Then it stopped. Soon, some guys, out of nowhere, kicked me out of the “train,” instead of an “elevator” and there were a few zombies who tried to catch me. I climbed back to the wagon, but the guys inside still pushed me to stay outside. The dream was over. I really find it funny, how dreams work. You are in the middle of something, but suddenly you are in a different situation. Somehow, your “first” dream is still connected to the “second” dream.

I wonder how long my unpleasant dream lasted, but have you ever noticed that when you dream, the “time” is actually longer than the actual time? You think you have slept for about five hours, but you actually haven’t slept that long.

You may disagree with me, but when you sleep, your soul actually leaves your body, but then it returns back to your body when you wake up. So, our body is pretty much like a ‘case mod’ in computer term, because it is not alive unless it has a soul.

It gets me into thinking about robots or Frankenstein. For hundred of years, scientists or quasi scientists have been trying to understand how our body works, especially in regards to its mechanistic system. They discovered that electricity plays a major role in our life; however, it (electricity) plays not only as the “machine” to our body, but also as a regenerative and healing tool. Nevertheless, it is still a theory and I apologize that I do not have the capability to elaborate more on the theory. But, is there any difference between the theory and Frankenstein?

Now, I’m lost. I cannot go back to my topic “dreams,” because I have been talking about the soul and electricity in our body. Yet, the topic “soul” may be interesting to a lot of people.

Is it spring already?

“Smile when it hurts most.” That’s a quote from…I don’t know, but I think we all need to learn from it, but you may disagree.

April has lasted for ten days and I haven’t written anything. I have done a lot of thinking, but I do not want to be preoccupied with spending one or two hours just to write a note. It is all because of my mood swing that has…I’d rather not go on.

I have been wondering, if it is spring already. The weather has been “nice” and “beautiful,” the sunshine, the cloudless sky, the chirping birds and the blooming flowers. Everything seems to be full optimism and lively, but that’s not always the case, if you know what I mean.

When it comes to the weather, I am a little peculiar. I cannot stand sunshine, although I am from a country with a lot of it. I always get insulted, when I tell people about it, but who cares? People can say whatever. It is not like I am going to die if you insult me, but please don’t do that. It is not respectful and not nice. Besides, that’s not what an educated person does.

Believe me, a lot of people claim to be educated and yet they like to insult other people. They say they are peaceful person, but they are actually the biggest liar you’ve ever met in your life. I am always the victim, because I “stand out” the most among you. Yes, it is because I am small and am sometimes “naive” about stuff, but why can’t people try to imagine putting themselves in my shoes once in a while? Being insulted is not pleasant and it hurts my feeling. I am oppressed, OK? But what can I do?

Now, the quote says, “Smile when it hurts most,” and I honestly want to practice that, but I have had enough of the so called “civilized” society. A lot of the people in the society have a stupid and DISGUSTING mindset.

I was hurt last night, because there were a number of “educated” people who insulted me because I am small. One of them even said, “Hi, dwarf!” Is it nice to say that to a stranger? Yes, they are bigger than I am, but, honestly, their brain is small. Well, I’m NOT sorry to say this, they DON’T have a brain at all. They are stupid, ignorant and uneducated, period.

I am sorry that I become a burden to them, but that’s not what civilized people do. THAT IS A SICK, LOATHSOME AND COLONIAL THOUGHT!

SICK @#$! #@!$% %#@!$ @!#$%! DISGUSTING!!! (Spit)

Side note: If their brain, IF they HAVE a brain, were a computer, I would pwn* it and trash it with gazillions of useless stuff. The worst part would be viruses and worms that could turn them into a zombie. I will program a BAD repetitive task with an INFINITE loop. If the loop is stopped, they will completely erase their own memory and, in the end, they will self destruct, muahahahahaha!!!

*pwn, also “own.” Past tense, “pawned,” “owned.” Origin, “own,” which implies some dominance over something or someone. When “own” and “owned” became “pwn,” “pwned” and “pwnage,” the words came to mean the same thing; dominance and superiority. The new word “pawn” is very simmilar in the sense; its plain definition is to belittle or reduce someone or something to pawn status, essentially, “owning” them. (Urban Dictionary dot Com)