(My) Fascination
8 May 2008
My ship is broken.
I see you…my fascination.
I can no longer fly;
(my wings melted), but
maybe you can take me there.
I am giving myself false hopes,
but I cannot resist
your beauty, your smile.
I dare not reach you.
I have often seen you
in my dreams, but you are always
speechless and I feel hopeless.
Maybe my feeling is just
a clueless crush or it is lust
that overshadows my pure intention,
a submission of my selfless admiration
to you, my wonderful fascination.
I want to reach you
but I am powerless.
Yet, I have no reason
to be with you. I am torn.
You are irresistible, beautiful and charming.
If only I could just…
“God, she is not even one of Your angels”
but I desperately want to spend my life with…
although I know you are not part of…
… like a lump on my chest,
and yet it is sweet and wonderful,
and I love the pain, especially when…
You are in my very…
…tormenting me.
I dare not see myself in the mirror,
but I see you as another part of me.
We have the same heart beat,
but maybe a different destiny.
Yet, seeing your beauty
is enough for me.
I may not reveal the feeling that I conceal.
My wandering imagination about you and me
seems so real.
The constant thoughts about us in unity
are a foolish equation of my intrepid fascination
in a composition of infatuated passion
to you.
Thus, it makes my affection
become a redundant and yet a sweet
catharsis, especially when I
look deep into your blue eyes,
the means to my stability and tranquility.
Lighthouse
I always imagine myself being alone on a non-existing island, because I am stranded. Yet, it is a nice and habitable island with a hill in the middle. Days and nights, I look at the ocean from the top of the hill. I always hope that you will come and rescue me one day.
I wait patiently and you finally come after sometime. However, I don’t know you, but I feel secure being around you, because I am overwhelmed by your sweetness. Everyday, I ask myself if you are my missing rib, but somehow I feel that you are just a passerby. You harbor on the island to make my life colorful for a short period of time, just like the rainbow (Excuse me for being selfish because I want more of you).
You know, there is a strong magnetic force in you, but, unfortunately, Lorentz Force Law doesn’t work in “our” case. Indeed, your love force is straightforward, being in the direction of your heart, but, despite your strong charming charge, you unconsciously repel my feeling.
It is more of like a collusion. I never see the lighthouse or maybe I have been blinded by your bright and glaring smile. I am losing my balance; I have to control my feeling. My admiration, or infatuation, or crush, or whatever you want to call it is now like a wounded bird. Slowly I touch the ground.
I am clueless and helpless, hoping my fascination to you will be gone.
Entry Filed under: Love. .
